Tips for starting couples therapy

In my previous blog post I wrote about the reasons to not go to couples therapy.

If you do decide that you want to try couples therapy here are some tips:

• Do a lot of research. You need to find a therapist with whom you have the right chemistry.

• Ask for recommendations.

• Don’t be afraid to tell your therapist you don’t agree with them.

• If you find that your therapist and you are on completely different pages after a few sessions, be brave to try a new one.

• Couples tend to seek therapy when things have gotten out of control. Then they’re so desperate for help they can’t see straight. There is usually a short initial period when things get better, because of the optimism that comes with taking action. Then things go back to normal. Do not stop therapy too soon.

Do the work together. This can take many forms; some couples like sitting together to take notes after therapy, usually they’re given homework by the therapist. In my case I was pushing my partner to go to therapy and do the exercises. It was like I had a toddler that I need to convince to go to school. Soon, I was the only one doing the exercises and using the tools the therapist suggested. If that happens make sure you share this with the therapist.

The real work comes outside therapy. It’s taking action on the things you’ve discussed throughout the week.

Useful resources:

Esther Perel's website and her podcast

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